It's late..

Category: By Unee.Adisti
It's late.
The night got thicker by the minutes.It's almost like a glass of ,really, black coffee.Dark and wretched.
I've lost count on how many times I've yawned.But,like always,it's not a sign of drowsiness.They're just..yawns.
Because even if I lay myself in bed,I would just toss and turn for next hour. My thoughts will still be running back and forth ,through the things that I can't even put in order anymore.
Usually, I will fall a sleep because I , and my thoughts , are tired of running. We couldn't catch our breaths any longer,so we surrender and shut our eyes.
So here I am.Sitting in front of my laptop.Typing gibberish words - entwined meaningless sentences - that are rapidly coming out of my head.
Outside,the wind blows quite blustery.Almost certain,it will be another rainy night again tonight.I always enjoy windy nights like this.
And I am enjoying it now,while listening to Coldplay and Radiohead ,responsively.

My body has never felt tiredness in a long time.
But my soul,has never gotten enough rest for as long as I can remember.
Each time I tried closing a door,two others opened up. It is so fatiguing.It numbs me.

Just when I thought I was given the time to rest and to catch my breath, I was forced to run again.
Aimless run. It was always aimless. It is still aimless.

Just when I thought I was given the person to share my day with. To laugh with at the - dumb or not - mistakes,I realized,I am being left alone.
He just left. Without even saying goodbye. Without even telling me why.

I have been through that same scenario one too many times,I've forgot how to deal with it.
Now,it's just.... emptiness.
Tears aren't even warm anymore.
Cuts and bruises aren't even painful anymore.
No more substitutions.
Just me.

And I have to strive to hide from other people.
Because what's the point of telling something that surroundings can't even understand.
Fake nods and taps on shoulders,are the last thing I need.

Maybe I'll just sit here and carve on walls.
Paint my skin with blood.

It's late.
But my head is still full of thoughts.


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